I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
