Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
