I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
