she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can I color on your dick again?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
