So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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