you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
