just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
