I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
