I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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