so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
