I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
