I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize