Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
