you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize