After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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