That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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