i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
