I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
