Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
