Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
