I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
