So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
