it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
