I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
