I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
