Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
did i just pee glitter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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