Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
