Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
whose parrot is this?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
