sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i think i have herpe
just one?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
