I puked a lego.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Randomize
