I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
