I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
