What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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