Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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