At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
