Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
