I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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