so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
