So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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