WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
