Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
