it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
