I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
