is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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