i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's the barista slut.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
