the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
