please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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