I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
