Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
