I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
