Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
