can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
