I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
