Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
