I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
