how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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