Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
