Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
