how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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