She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
