That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize