Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
