If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
