I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
FUCK WHALES
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
