I swear she didn't look like that last week.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
