I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
