So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
